Editor’s note: This blog is a supplement to the continuing nurse education program “Suicide among nurses: What we don’t know might hurt us.” It illustrates how our unrealistic self-expectations as nurses can lead us down unfortunate paths. The author’s identity is not shared per request; unfortunately, there is still stigma associated with substance misuse. We thank the author for the courage to share this personal story and urge nurses to seek the help they need.
As one life ends another begins—a spiritual lesson and coping mechanism that I taught myself early on to ensure survival. Making sense of the tragic loss of life had always been challenging for me. I always thought it was quite ironic hearing “Brahms Lullaby” echoing from labor and delivery as my patient would take his or her last breath. Fresh life combined with one ending seemed logical to me. It is neutral, loss mixed with gain.
All nurses deal with life and the loss of life in different ways. My approach was effective. I witnessed and held the hands of many dying patients. I would cry, and I rationalized the loss. I would go home and hug my wife and . . .